Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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