Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
