i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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