like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
