I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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