The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
