My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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