**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize