my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think i have two assholes
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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