If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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