Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize