Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
