guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
