Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
