I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
