Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
