she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
