so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I want her autograph on my taint
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
