forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
