still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize