Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
