PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
