it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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