How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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