i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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