We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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