I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
