i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
