Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
