I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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