The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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