Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wear drunk well.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
