he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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