Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
