I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
