It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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