I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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