is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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