Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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