I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize