Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
