and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
