I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Moan for me like Helen Keller
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
