I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
