so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
