im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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