It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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