you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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