I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
