you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
