In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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