Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
