i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
