I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
