you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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