Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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