he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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