bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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