The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
