Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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