my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
