I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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