Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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