I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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