Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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