But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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