But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
