Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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