you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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