i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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