I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
