My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize