"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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