i barfeds in our rink
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
