"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize