And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
