Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
