DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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