If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
