I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
