I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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