but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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