Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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