I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize