So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
