we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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