I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
