it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
