I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
