happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
