And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
