Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The Olympian is in my bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
