I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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