you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
pray to the hookup gods
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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