Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
do herpes really smell.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
