Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize