He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
