I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
