I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
